Friday, August 17, 2012

Unemployed, Again.

(via Pinterest)

So you're reading this post, huh?
The overwhelmingly bleak title didn't dissuade you from clicking through?

Today is my last day of work, again.
This feeling of "the great unknown" is becoming a regular feature in my life (after previously being unemployed from November 2011-May 2012) and I'm not one hundred percent sure I am equipped to deal with a second go-round of unemployment. For the purposes of clarity, I should note that the job I began in May at an education start-up was described as a summer job with the potential of continued employment after August.

Well, it didn't turn out that way. The money wasn't there.

Perhaps I should have braced myself.
Perhaps I should have done more.
Perhaps I shouldn't have taken the job at all.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Friends, family, those who have randomly stumbled upon this post: I feel lost, again.
In the past three months, I had seen my life transition back to what I knew to be normal: getting up and dressed in the morning, riding the bus to work, using my professional skill set, thinking critically and passionately about something again. I felt whole. I took pride in being 'Ashley' once more.

Having glimpsed employed life for the first time in nearly a year, I was starting to feel like my old self again.
Having that feeling revoked now, I feel like a failure, again.

I don't not entirely sure why I chose to write this, to share these intimate and vulnerable feelings with you all, especially when this blog is primarily focused on light-hearted topics like decor and DIY projects. 
Devoting time to write about my unemployment, though, somehow legitimizes my feelings. 

It gives me some comfort that 'again' doesn't necessarily mean 'forever'.


  1. Definitely not forever! Everything happens for a reason ( usually the last thing I want to hear when I'm feeling down but it's TRUE). Something will come along and probably sooner than you expect :)

  2. Oh, man! So sorry to hear this. It does seem, though, that the job market is picking up a bit. Maybe this little taste of happy work will be really motivating as you start a search (again.)


  3. Oh Ashley, you know I feel you and can relate!! I'm sorry it didn't work out and I'm sorry you are disappointed, but somehow I doubt that you didn't do enough. So don't buy into that bullshit.
    I know this is a great chance for you to find the right job. Until then... perhaps you are free to do lunch! xoxo

  4. That sucks Ashley. I'm so sorry to hear it. I can see how this would be incredibly discouraging. I'll be rooting for you in your new job search.

  5. I know exactly what you're going through b/c I just resigned from my "latest advertising gig". And I have now hit a wall as to what I want to do "when I grow up". I haven't found that "career" yet, I haven't worked a single day anywhere where I've felt "fulfilled", "passionate" or even excited to go to work. I actually envy you that you worked somewhere (no matter how brief) where you felt passionate about what you did - that you took pride in yourself.

    I'm so tired of working "another job" - I just want to find a career - one that I can look forward to waking up in the morning to go to....unfortunately, I still haven't found it and I'm officially burned out. (I'm truly in the wrong field)

    Sorry to sound like even more of a Debbie Downer but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Just take this time for yourself - don't let this prevent you from living and enjoying your life. This is just one setback.....Don't worry "Stella" - You'll get your groove back! (sorry your name didn't work in my reference - tee hee) =)

  6. I have been there and I know those exact feelings of failure that come with repeat unemployment. It is so difficult and I felt extremely lost, confused, hurt, and embarrassed. It took me some serious soul searching to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't alone and that we are truly in historically tough times where many amazing people are looking for jobs.

    I am a huge fan of your blog and you have tremendous talent. I hope you can take some time to enjoy the last few weeks of summer and reflect on what would make you happy. I'm totally rooting for you and I hope this comment helps you feel a little tiny bit better.

  7. Oh, Ashley, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You should not feel like a failure, at all. You were trying to do something worthwhile. I know another chance to do something wonderful will come along before you know it. Until then, take heart. You are not alone, and you have a huge support group cheering you on . . . your faithful and devoted blog buddies! :)

  8. Ashley, I think your circumstances are directly linked to our poor economy right now. I'm wondering if the world isn't trying to point you in the direction of design? You are so visually creative. Maybe it's time to explore that end?

  9. so sorry to hear this! sending positive thoughts you way and hope you find something even better.

  10. Hang in there. I've been there- lost 2 jobs within 13 months of each other. I was a single mom and a hot mess. As much of a cliche as it is, it really does get better. You just gotta stay in the game. Sorry, that was 2 cliches.

  11. Ashley, I'm sorry to read about it. But I think there would be no better advice than the one on the image you opened your post with: all apart start again. Don't give up and be strong. xo

  12. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear of all this turmoil and uncertainty in your life :( don't second guess your decisions though. You did what you thought was best at the time with the information you have. It sucks that it didn't work out. I've worked for lots of start ups in my time in the corporate world and you just never know. I'll be thinking of you!

  13. im so sorry to hear the bad news! I know its hard to listen to other people be positive and say keep your head up, but it is all true! Keep your head up, something better will come along for sure- any company would be dumb to not hire you!!

  14. Ashley, I'm just now reading this....I'm so sorry! To say the economy isn't doing is well is an understatement and I've seen so many people get affected by it. Just last week one of my closest friends (her husband) got let go. Sometimes, these situations provide opportunities, though. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time! Hang in there!!

  15. So sorry. Definitely a bummer. But I like your mantra. Start again.

  16. I too have been unemployed for over a year... self inflected but I still understand how you feel. I hate the searching process but I really do need to get back to the real world. Good luck with your search.

  17. I'm so sorry, Ashley, that you've been feeling lost. It is a horrible feeling, I know! I'm hoping that your wonderful trip is giving you perspective on the situation and that you can see the positives. There will be something perfect for you coming--you want it, it will happen. Can't wait to see your photos of the trip.

  18. Oh my goodness, I have missed a lot in my blog reading. I hope by now you've started to pull out of the hopeless feeling, but I certainly understand if you didn't. It's great, I think, that you had the trip planned right after this--a chance to get away, step out of life, and come back to start anew. I was in the same boat two years ago, losing a job with a big trip planned to Italy. I thought maybe I should cancel, but in the end I did go and getting away made all the difference.


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